Insert Maniacal Indie Author Here

In this video, I talk about:

  • getting my first royalties check
  • doing something very stupid
  • writerly emo-panic
  • Consortium Books, my indie publisher
  • and itchy noses.

There is maniacal cackling, as well as much rejoicing.

Sometimes, the two are even related.

At the end of my video, I invite you to share thoughts in the comments section below. Let me repeat that invitation: Come talk to me in the comments! If you think I’m ridiculous, please at least tell me. After all, if no one tells me, I can’t know that I’m ridiculous; thus I am doomed to remain forever ignorant of my laughable plight.

Thank you in advance. ; ) Also, if this got you curious to read my novel, Colors of Deception, then do please click that link and buy the book. $12.99 paperback, $2.99 for Kindle.

Let’s talk!

29 thoughts on “Insert Maniacal Indie Author Here

  1. Julie V. says:

    Um… you ARE ridiculous! And the photo shoot, puhleese… You have nothing to worry about there. Even if we have to make a Peter out of sticks and a tub of butter, it will be amazing. (I’m humble, right?) But really, watching you freak out was cute- adorkable, even. Your book is going to be great. I’m pissy about having to wait to read it, so- to put this nicely- please get over your manic hissy fit and get to work, lady!

    • Julie, now I want to make a Peter out of sticks and a tub of butter. Can we please make a Peter out of stick and a tub of butter? That would be cramazing. Thank you.

      Thanks to you and the rest who’ve commented, I’m slowly getting over my manic hissy fit. ; ) Last night, I finished Draft 4! So you’ll get to read it soon. I have a few thoughts to share about my ideas for the cover, so I’ll email you them. (Yay grammar.) ;-D

  2. El Edwards says:

    What if all the trees fall down and we can’t make any more books? What if the sky falls down and squashes the hard drive and you lose even that first draft? What if you drop a large dog on your hands and you can’t type the next draft? What if an alien space craft from outer space lands in your back yard and escorts you to a land where they can’t read and don’t even like stories?

    Do I think you’re ridiculous? Well sure, but so are the rest of us. Me thinks you and I need to Skype again soon (very, very soon) because you just need a friendly Welsh ear to bend. 😉

    • El, if illiterate aliens from outer space kidnap me, I shall do my best to escape and return home to write a story about it.

      Because I am a ridiculous, manic indie author, and that’s what I do! ;-D Love it. Thank you, dearie. That’s just the kind of amusing knock on the head I needed! And yes, I would love a friendly Welsh ear to bend. Email on its way to you!

  3. Court,

    I love Julie’s and El’s comments. 🙂 However, I want to come at the issue from a slightly different angle.

    Firstly, I’m pretty sure if I was in your situation, I’d have the same fears. But then I’d remind myself of something, and it is this.

    Were you created to write? If writing is your God-given purpose, then any success you have at writing goes beyond yourself. In other words, there is a Higher Power in you, working behind the scenes. He is the one who gets the credit for our successes. The best part is that when God is the force backing our projects, it takes all the pressure off us, the writers, the artists. Trust Him to do his thing and just focus on enjoying the work (and enjoying the ride, too).

    He’s helped you once; He’ll help you again. You already have one successful book and I’m sure the second will be even better.

    Can’t wait to read it, Courtney. Be encouraged and wash those worries away! 🙂

    • Becca, your “angle” adds so much. Thank you for that reminder!

      As you know, I’m still working through this “creative recovery” thing, trying to change my thought patterns concerning my art and my craft and my purpose. I truly do believe that I was created to create (through words). But does it makes sense if I say that the belief has not yet turned into a true value yet?

      Josh recently said, “Values are beliefs whose rubber has hit the road.” That’s a fantastic summary of what’s going on with my “created to create” ideal. The rubber of that belief is hitting the road, and I’m morphing it into one of my core values.

      It’s a long, slow process, though. I wonder if that’s because our core values get established at such a young age? It’s a battle to change those cores as adults.

      But I have an overwhelmingly generous Creator who’s on my side. And he has sent me so many amazing friends to help me along. Bex, thank you for reminding me of that. : )

  4. I think you are being silly. And I love that! Now, I don’t think that these concerns are completely unfounded. However (there is a always a but) I think you are worrying over too much, too soon.

    I am a published author. Did you know? I never got any royalties. I have a poem that I didn’t really like, and an essay that I liked even less, published in the first ever Literary Magazine at my High School. I know they kept doing one annually for at least 5 years after I left. I might be willing to show that to you, someday.

    The photography will be phenomenal, because Julie V is going to do it again, right? Don’t compare your subsequent works to the first. You said it. The writing has improved. You have grown, your characters have grown, and your audience has grown. It will all be fine.

    Cat Food
    Newly sharpened pencils
    Social Writing/Coffee Date with Chelf

    Get out your “Milk Eggs Vodka” book, and look at page 49. Nothing you ever do will be as dismal as that. You will rock this second book! Several of us are waiting, not so patiently, to read it. :0)

    • Chelf, I think you’ve mentioned your literary publications before. I would love to read them as soon as you’re ready to share. : )

      And yes, Julie V will be making magic for the cover of Shadows after Midnight, as well. So you’re right, I have nothing to fear on that count!

      The is-the-book-good? fears would be legitimate if I had done nothing to improve my craft since the first novel. But I have consistently worked at improvement over the past three years. I have to keep reminding myself of that!

      And I love the “shopping” list. Especially the last point. We need to do something about that. (After I’ve moved?)

  5. Daddy says:

    Hi, Kiddo — do you think that other creative artists don’t have the same fears of egg on your face?? Just remember my last recital, and the bobble with German, of all things.

    Also, remember Bobby Heinlein — “If you must write, do it in secret and wash your hands afterward.”

    • Daddy, thank you for the Heinlein quote — as always, that one lightens my mood and my outlook quite a bit. ; )

      Yes, I remember the recital “bobble”…the one you recovered from with both professional aplomb and humor, so the audience took it in stride. You’ve got a few years’ experience on me in dealing with such situations…so if I fall flat on my face, you know who I’m going to come running to for a pick-me-up! ; )

      And yes, I remember you loved the book. I also remember you’ve given me invaluable critique, so I’m counting on that for Book 2, too!

      Thanks, Daddy. Love you!

  6. Daddy says:

    Me again — ignore the syntax — Also remember I loved the book — Daddy

  7. Patricia says:

    What if Tolkien had acted on those fears?! Only having the first book of the Lord of the Rings trilogy….inconceivable!!! 🙂

    And I’m so glad I knew you are moving…otherwise *I* would have panicked at those empty bookshelves!

    • “Inconceivable” — in this case, “I t’ink dat words does mean what you t’ink it means.” ;-D

      Patricia, you’re so right. It’s hard to imagine that the “greats” have the same fears that I do…but they must have them. After all, they’re as human as I. Thanks for the reminder to look to their examples to keep going!

      And yes, those empty shelves are rather scary and sad! But they shall be filled again soon. ; )

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  9. Jessica says:

    Hi, Courtney. I saw your video, courtesy of Passive Guy, and I am so excited for you! You got a royalty check! Yay! I am not a writer, but I am an avid reader and I think independent publishing is really cool. You get to share your stories with the world.
    I wanted to leave a comment to let you know how much you inspire me. I went back to school at 37 years old and I am about to graduate. I aced all my classes, but now that school is finished I am ready (sort of) to start my freelancing career, and I am having similar feelings of excitement and fear. I have a little voice in my head that says “What if you’re not as good as you think you are?” So even though our situations are different, it helps me to know that I am not alone in my feelings. Thank you so much for sharing.

    • Jessica, thank you so much for clicking through to visit my blog and leave a comment! I appreciate that a lot. And, in case you didn’t know, we writers love readers like you: the avid kind who “think independent publishing is really cool.” Music to my ears. Chocolate to my tastebuds. Good to my writer’s soul! : )

      I’m humbled to hear that I’m inspiring you. Please allow me to add a bit to that inspiration: You are most definitely not alone in your feelings! As several responses here have reminded me, this kind of self-doubt is perfectly normal. I think we all fall victim to it sometimes…but that’s why we creative, independent types need each other! I’m realizing there’s always going to be a voice somewhere that says, “Keep going. It’s worth it. Don’t give up — you have something to offer that nobody else can!”

      If I can be that voice for someone, that’s all I can ask for. : ) Thank you so much for letting me know that sharing my story was the right thing to do!

      So, what kind of freelancing do you want to do?

  10. Hi Courtney! I am also coming to you from Passive Guy’s blog. I am on the cusp of being a published author (about a month out). It’s funny, I’ve been swimming in anxiety. All I really got out of your vlog post was “OMG! It’s not going to go away!”

    Seriously though, you are there. You’re in the place a lot of us only dream of being. So take a deep breath, have a drink or some really nice chocolate and relax. It’s going to be fine.

    • Stephany, a drink and some chocolate are always welcome recommendations here! ; ) Thank you for the reminder to take it easy on myself.

      Congratulations on your impending book release! I know how exciting and incredible that can feel! And yes, sadly, I can relate to the anxiety as well. If it’s any comfort, my anxiety abated entirely after my novel came out, and those disquieting feelings stayed away until I was immersed in work on the second book.

      So at least there’s a reprieve in there somewhere! ; ) Of course, I can’t predict if your emotions will take the same path that mine have. Since I posted that video, and since I’ve gotten so much encouragement from others, I’m much more calm about the whole situation. I hope you’ll get some peace and maintain it well after your book comes out! As several wise people have told me, “It’s going to be fine.” : )

    • Oh, and thanks Stephany for clicking through from Passive Guy’s link! I appreciate that. : )

  11. Tracey says:

    Loved the video. Well done in getting your first book published and your second one nearly there. Of course you are not crazy – you’re a writer! We are are all a liitle emotional/angst ridden/fiercely protective of our work – it’s part of who we are and why we can write so well. Yes even me and I write non fiction (doesn’t mean I’m serious and analytical) well ok maybe a little bit.

    Anyway just wanted to say a quick hello because I enjoyed the vid.

    Tracey xx

    • Tracey, thanks so much for your encouraging words! It’s definitely comforting to know that other writers feel pretty much the same way I do, no matter what their genre. That protect-the-work fierceness comes to us all pretty naturally, I suppose. It’s just hard to remember to balance it with willingness to be vulnerable.

      Of course, getting so much supportive feedback makes vulnerability easier to achieve. So thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment. : )

  12. Clark Haass says:

    What a charming video! Um, I wouldn’t worry; there will be more than $196.42 coming your way – trust me!

    Oh, and a poem…from 2nd grade that I wrote:

    There once was a man named James T Chet,
    Who used to like to fly high in his jet.
    He flew so high, he fell out of the sky.
    How stupid can you get!


    • Clark, you had me giggling like a loon when I first read your poem. Thanks so much for dropping by to watch and compliment my vid! It’s heart-warming and fun when my Twitter friends visit the blog. I appreciate that a lot. : )

      As for earning more than just $196.42…*taking deep breath*…I trust you. ; )

  13. Anna Gilliland says:

    Congrats on the royalty check!

    I think it’s okay to feel as you do at this stage of your revisions. Go ahead and think it’s ridiculous or not. I don’t think it is ridiculous unless it seriously puts you in enough stress that you can’t write anymore. It’s really okay, otherwise. It’s completely natural and understandable.

    I look forward to reading the relief in your words when you finally reach the day that you post here that it’s done and heading for release.

    As evident from the other replies here, we are rooting for you!

    • Anna, thank you for your kind thoughts and words! It’s good to know that friends all over the place are sending supportive thoughts my way. And though my anxiety has lessened since I posted that video, I’m also looking forward to the relief I’ll feel the Book 2 is safely out the door! ; )

      The good thing is that the worries haven’t clouded my vision so much that I can’t write. If anything, the worries have turned me stubborn; I’m determined to do my job as a writer and to do it well. I’ve got plenty of spiritual and emotional resources to fortify me…so in the end, I have nothing to worry about. You and others have reminded me of that! : )

  14. Don’t worry. It won’t suck.

    But if it does, it’s only the end if you stop trying, right? The next one can be better. And the next. Remember, we’re not building bridges or curing cancer here. We’re just writing stories. No huge biggie if one doesn’t turn out 100% completely right, cause we can just roll on to the next one. No harm, no foul.

    Or, to put it another way: it could worse. It could be raining.

    Hope it’s not actually raining where you are, because that was supposed to be a joke.


    You’ll be fine.

    • Michael, thank you for the encouragement! I appreciate your visit and your kind words. I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to reply.

      You make an excellent point: “We’re not building bridges or curing cancer here. We’re just writing stories.” I love it when my stories entertain people and make them think. But it’s good to remember that if I mess up, it’s not the end of the world. I just have to climb back into that writing horse’s saddle and try again.

      What would I lose if I messed up? Maybe some money, maybe a little face — neither of which are essential for a happy, healthy, wholesome life. Money and pride don’t make me who I am.

      Thank you, Michael, for reminding me of that. : )

  15. Keith Davis says:

    Oh Courtney
    You have come on by leaps and bounds.

    Love the smile at the beginning – couldn’t help but smile along with you.

    Slow relaxed voice but we can still hear the joy you feel.

    And… well done on getting the cash!

    Come over and leave a comment on my latest post.
    Short video – you’ll love it and you’ll get a link back to this post.
    Plus the “what if” is featured in this video.

    Are you pleased with yourself?
    You should be.


    • Dear Keith! I’m sorry I’ve been so long in replying. Thank you so much for stopping in to watch and comment! It boosts my videoing morale to get such positive feedback from a public speaking and videoing pro!

      Thanks in particular for pointing out the things I’m doing well, so that I know to keep doing them in my next 7 videos. (No, I haven’t forgotten my 10-video-post-commitment!)

      Yes, I’m pleased — but I couldn’t do this without the encouragement I get from you and others who comment to let me know my videos resonate with them. After all, no woman is a videoblogging island. ; )

      I’m off to see/comment on your latest post!

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