Arachnophobia

It was this big. I swear.

It was this big. I swear.

Me: Horror is feeling a tickle on your thumb and looking down to see a spider crawling on it.

Ed: Did that happen?

Me: Yes.

Ed: To you?

Me: Yes.

Ed: Just now?

Me: Yes.

Ed: I apologize.

Me: Thank you. Now kill this earwig for me.

________________________

(This is not to diminish what’s going on in my city right now. I needed a moment of comic relief.)

UPDATED: Contribute to Oklahoma Disaster Relief

Here are ways you can help the disaster relief efforts in Oklahoma:

(I will update this as I find more info.) Oklahomadisasterrelief

Tornado Relief drop-off locations around Metro OKC (via KFOR)

Donate blood to the American Red Cross
or text REDCROSS to 90999

Operation BBQ Relief

Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma
or text FOOD to 32333

BCGO Disaster Relief Fund

Text STORM to 80888 for The Salvation Army USA

Convoy of Hope
or text CONVOY to 50555

Tinker Air Force Base Emergency Family Assistance Center — call (405) 739-2747 to adopt a Tinker AFB family directly affected by the tornado

Register to find your lost family members

Helping children deal with traumatic events

“Brighten the corner where you are, and you will light the world.” –Dean Koontz
If you can’t help out through tangible donations, look for a way you can show compassion within your circle of influence today. And tomorrow. And every day after that. You don’t know what greater good might come tomorrow from your tiniest act of kindness today.

Pray.

Updated

Green Bambino, the cloth diapering store, is taking donations of disposable baby wipes, disposable diapers and baby formula.

Dignity MemorialĀ® network of funeral, cremation and cemetery providers is making its Compassion HelplineĀ® available at no charge to the families and friends of the victims, as well as other community members affected by this event. The toll-free number designated for use by members of the Oklahoma City-area communities and their families is 1-800-854-8080. Free grief materials are also available.

Old Try will donate $6 to the relief effort from any Oklahoma T-shirt sales.

The Okay See will donate to the relief effort 100% of these T-shirt sales.

Memorial Road Church of Christ has a list of accepted donations as well as ways you can get directly involved with the disaster relief. Call (405) 478-0166 if you know families or individuals who need help at their property.

Oakcrest Church of Christ, 1111 SW 89th Street, Oklahoma City. (405) 631-5534. The church has set up a shelter for storm victims and is receiving relief supplies.

Tornado and Truth: In the Aftermath of May 20, 2013

Moore, Oklahoma -- May 20, 2013 -- photo by Marshall Brozek via KFOR

Moore, Oklahoma — May 20, 2013 — photo by Marshall Brozek via KFOR

I sat down to write thinking that I was numb.

But considering all the thoughts that come to mind, I don’t think “numb” applies.

My house is a wreck because we hurriedly packed up emergency supplies and essentials, in case we had to flee to a neighboring church basement or my parents’ storm shelter.
But I have a house.

My dishes are dirty because nobody had time to do them today.
But I have dishes.

My clean laundry is scattered across the dining room and living room because it was in the way and nobody bothered to pile it in one place.
But I have clothes.

My bathroom rug is soaked because the cat found the vase of Mother’s Day flowers we were hiding in there.
But I have a pet.

My conscience is bothered because I had chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert tonight, even though I’d told myself I would resist.
But I have enough food to eat.

My baby is whining and crying instead of sleeping because she spent the evening overstimulated and got to bed two hours late.
But I have a living, breathing baby.

My husband isn’t home to help me take care of the baby because he’s out buying items for us to donate to the relief effort.
But I have a living, breathing, generous husband.

My mind is full and my heart is heavy and I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight.
But my mind is whole and my heart is beloved of the Creator of the universe, who gifts me with rest and peace.

Considering these truths, I cannot feel numb. I cannot but feel overwhelming gratitude coupled with compassion for those who suffered loss today.

Compassion: “feeling with” another, especially in that person’s pain.

I won’t turn away from their pain by letting myself become numb.

Dragon Vs. Turkey, Death by Hamster, and Writing Advice

Um. Hi?

I feel like I should be tiptoeing in here, and it’s my own blog. I’m sorry for the extreme silence lately, y’all. Honestly, the only thing I can tell you is that I’ve been pureeing pears and prunes. Seriously. Since the Itty Bitty started her foray into solid foods, I’ve felt as though I’ve been living in the kitchen.

Fortunately, I shall soon acquire a brilliant gadget unfortunately named “Babycook,” which shall do the cooking and pureeing for me and is, fortunately, not made from real babies.

Furthermore

My grand and good intention is to get back into blogging regularly — at least once a week. There won’t be another month-long hiatus if I can possibly help it (and I do think I can, Pauly). In the meantime, I’m also planning an updateish post to let you know what’s been happening in my writing world.

But that’s for later. Right now, I’m in the mood for silly, so silly is what you’re gonna get. Specifically, silly related to keyword searches.

You people are weird, and I love you for it.

Without further ado or adon’t, here are some of the keyword searches that, according to Google Analytics, have recently led y’all to my blog. And also my reactions to said keyword searches. BANGERANG.

1. would you please do me a favor

I never take requests unless asked, so yes!

2. what can be the misuses of having banana
common misuses of a banana

I take it back. You don’t get any favors. Sicko.

3. upside down scrambled cat

I don’t really understand, but okay….

scrambledcat

I didn’t know how to do the scrambled part, but perhaps this will suffice anyway.

4. what to do when your novel gets too complicated

SIMPLIFY.

No, really. Cut a character, erase a subplot or two, delete some scenes. If the novel’s too complicated, it means you’ve got too many cats in your frying pan. Toss a few of them out. You’ll end up overcooking them anyway.

5. sometimes a lady

…will have her cat cake and eat it, too.

6. should a writer listen to suggestions

For the love of all that’s good and true and writerly in this world, YES. Don’t be a precious snowflake.

7. scary hamster
hamster kiss
hamster suicide
dumb hamster
death by hamster
cool hamster

Okay, I can see why the hamsters might be kissing. Even furfaces like a little lip once in a while. And if a dumb hamster and a cool hamster are kissing, it might have entertainment value. Locking braces, awkward positions, AND SO FORTH.

But…but…why hamster suicide? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? And by Grabthar’s Hammer, what is death by hamster? Diana from “V” swallows one and chokes on it?

And why did these searches lead to my blog?!?

#whatisthatidonteven

8. novels — how long is too long

If you keep writing after the story is finished, then your novel is too long.

9. i have a bachelors in writing now what

Yes. Quite.

(READ: When I find out, I’ll let you know.)

10. dragon vs. turkey

dragonvsturkey