atheism for lent, day fourteen: sayings of an urban white mother

On DAY FIFTEEN, Atheism for Lent turns to the early, early mystics, a bevy of hermits, ascetics, nuns, and monks from around the 3rd century C.E. These folks had a huge impact on Orthodox tradition and neo-monasticism. According to Dr. Rollins, they took a “theological approach that constantly deferred, delayed, destabilized, and disarmed our understanding of God via a rigorous set of negations.”

When he puts it that way, I really wish I had read these 3rd-century peeps twenty-five years ago.

If you want to read them, there’s a pretty accessible collection of their quotes called Sayings of the Desert Fathers. These sayings of the “fathers” include quite a few sayings from people usually designated “mothers.” I looked it up. The “Desert Mothers” are a thing.

To my sadness, none of the mothers are quoted in the AfL reading. So I’m going to fix that.

Using some rebel creativity, I’m going to rewrite some of these “desert fathers'” sayings and share them in the way an “urban white mother” might express them. At least in this particular season of her life. 😉

SAYINGS OF AN URBAN WHITE MOTHER

Our brains just aren’t big enough to hold on to what “God” really means. If our brains could handle the idea of God, She wouldn’t be God. And if you think you have even a vague idea of what “God” is about, then what you’re thinking of is not God.

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

Douglas Adams said that the ultimate answer to “life, the universe, and everything” is 42.
The Ultimate Answer is 42. The Ultimate Answer is the Way.
The Ultimate Answer is “I don’t know.”

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

Go on all the side quests you want. That’s where the life is. Don’t worry about not “making it” to “the end.” If we have souls, then these souls have been on this epic journey since eternity started, and they’re gonna keep going long after we stop caring. So follow the sunlit cat when she says she has a side quest for you. That’s how you get depth in this thing we call Life.

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

It’s okay if you’re dropping yourself headfirst into human messiness. Sometimes we need those things we can hold on to, because whatever “God” might be, overwhelming is one of the most accurate descriptors. Hold on to whatever you need to and just live.

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

Look, if you’re gonna use words to describe “God,” then you’re just flat-out lying. I’m not saying you’re trying to put something over on somebody on purpose (or maybe you are; you might wanna check that); it’s just that “God” is so big that the second you even spit out the first phoneme (“guh”), even the sound is so inadequate, you might as well be lying through your teeth. Don’t even get me started on the rest of the word or any descriptions of it. Not a single one of them would be right, they’re so insufficient.

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

Tbh bae, “God” and “God’s” attributes are: ineffable, indescribable, unseeable, uncontainable, incomprehensible, inconceivable (!), incomparable, inaccessible, inexpressible. It would be pretty arrogant, not to mention pointless, to try to get any farther than that.
Even when I says “God is unknowable,” I am already making a half-assed statement.

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother

And last, but not least, my conclusion as of 10:37 a.m., March 11, 2020 (not a rewritten quote but my actual thought process):

Jesus said, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the father.” But what do we “see” when we “see” Jesus? Secular historical accounts? Memories of his followers, the POV of eyewitnesses? Acts of kindness, compassion, rebellion?

To what extent do we actually see anybody when we look at them or observe them over time? When I look at you, I’m not seeing you. I’m seeing your face, your eyes, your nose, your head, your hands, your body. Even if I dissected you (sorry!) and sliced open every organ including your brain, I wouldn’t see you in there. Jesus told his followers, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen who I am and who the father is.” But did they? Do we?

What if what Jesus really meant was this: “I’m not saying ‘since you’ve seen me, you have seen the father.’ I’m saying IF. You can’t really know me because you haven’t seen the raw essence of my Self — and that’s why you can’t know the indescribable father, either.”

–St. CourtCan of Germany
Sayings of a White Urban Mother