Me: Hey, see those truck trailers on that train?
Me: How would I break into one of those?
Ed: You wouldn’t. They’re loaded so close together that the doors won’t open. Besides, see that giant metal bar across the back?
Me: Yes, but I have to break into one. How would I do that?
Ed: You could try cutting through the side with tin snips. Or a blowtorch.
In the zombie apocalypse, this will be a blowtorch and I won’t be wearing makeup.
[Notice he doesn’t even question the “I have to” part.]
Me: Where would I find tin snips?
Ed: At the hardware store.
Me: Where would I find a blowtorch?
Ed: Same place.
Me: Where would I find the butane to run the blowtorch?
Ed: Not butane. Oxygen-acetylene. In tanks. And probably at a specialty store. Or ask the hardware store people where to get it.
Me: There aren’t any people to ask.
Ed: Then you’re outta luck.
Me: But I have to break into the truck trailer. So I need the blowtorch and the fuel.
Me: I also need a wagon to haul the tanks.
Me: Wanna know why I’m asking?
Me: After the apocalypse, I need to scavenge whatever is in those trailers.
Ed: *sigh* I was afraid of this.
Me: If it’s a zombie apocalypse, I’m going to have to work quickly. So I’ll need that blowtorch.
Ed: Those particular trailers don’t have food in them.
Me: That’s okay, I’m not looking for food. I’m looking for weapons or goods to barter.
Ed: Or you could try a reefer.
Me: Honey. There are zombies. I’m not gonna just sit there and smoke a joint so they can walk up and tear my guts out.
Ed: *sigh* Reefer as in, refrigerated truck. It would have food in it.
Me: How long would it keep?
Ed: Maybe a few days.
Me: No, no, this is months and months after the apocalypse. I’ve already established my base of operations. It’s time to start going after the big stuff.
Ed: Then don’t try a reefer. You’ll just end up with a ton of rotted food.
Me: You know I’m going to blog this, right?
Ed: Yes. *sigh*